God, Allah, Universe—
I’ve been complaining a lot mostly because I’m anxious and unsure and scared of certain newnesses in my life. But I’m thankful for the new. Your love is not lost on me.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.
Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming. Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them (via maddierose)
I have started talking to someone in the early stages who has been earnest, upfront, communicative. It’s everything I’ve told myself I’d wanted in a person. Yet, I’m at a point where I’m reticent to believe that anything means there’s real potential there. I’m hesitant to read into anything. I instead believe that he’s just a nice guy.
In turn I’m not totally comfortable with putting myself out there. I don’t want to go out on a limb and say
"You know what, Elaine, you could really like him."
Because the minute I do—I’m doomed.
My apartment is cold. Lying in bed to keep warm. Going to work from a coffee shop today. Might order some chips.
The reality of moving back to SoCal is sinking in and it’s making me nervous. I keep getting FOMO about turning down UMN but then I remind myself that I get to work with Jared Sexton, Christine Balance, Laura Kang, and Linda Voh, and David Goldberg, and Fatimah Tobing Roni!!! I did give up, however, Jigna Desai, Kale Fajardo, David Chang, and Erika Lee…
But I’ll be relatively debt free after. And well networked. And loved by my family and friends and community right?!?
young adult authors everywhere
#And she was an old soul who raised herself, also her eyes were deep pools
#And she didn’t wear makeup but it was okay because she had flawless skin anyway