Wednesday, April 16, 2014

My apartment is cold. Lying in bed to keep warm. Going to work from a coffee shop today. Might order some chips.

The reality of moving back to SoCal is sinking in and it’s making me nervous. I keep getting FOMO about turning down UMN but then I remind myself that I get to work with Jared Sexton, Christine Balance, Laura Kang, and Linda Voh, and David Goldberg, and Fatimah Tobing Roni!!! I did give up, however, Jigna Desai, Kale Fajardo, David Chang, and Erika Lee…

Fucking FOMO.

But I’ll be relatively debt free after. And well networked. And loved by my family and friends and community right?!?

she was special and unique because unlike other girls she read a book and drank a tea and didnt talk about a clothes

young adult authors everywhere 

 

#she was also the hetero and she liked to look at the stars at night

#And she was an old soul who raised herself, also her eyes were deep pools

#And she didn’t wear makeup but it was okay because she had flawless skin anyway

(via luna-lee)

Trolololo

(Source: klefable)

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

(Source: guykneecologist)

Blood moon

jnmndrs:

Stood in the cold dark. Peered at the delicious moon. Healed by the night sky.

Yes.

Monday, April 14, 2014

My gut was pulling me toward the program’s faculty, but the lingering doubts I had about feeling supported by the UC washed away when the universe spoke through money.

Final offer: UCI is giving me 2 fellowship years, 3 teaching years, and summer funding through year 4.

So like, I committed.  And I declined my offer to Minnesota.  Not going to lie, I already had a mini FOMO panic attack, but I keep telling myself that those would’ve gone both ways.  I think this feels right for me right now. I know I will have “fear of missing out” and will wonder how Minnesota might be, but I’m excited about the work the faculty is up to at UCI and love how it is still so cross and trans disciplinary as a young program.   

I’m EXCITED to be back in school.  I’m EXCITED to work with people I’ve read that have changed the way I think.  And come fall 2015, I’m excited to teach.

I feel like I have a better opportunity to do engaged work and build a network in SoCal (and grow the one I’ve been cultivating in SF) while I’m in school that will help even outside of academia, whereas with Minnesota, I feel like that would be a more purely academic choice. While I love the idea of starting over and uprooting myself (it’s utterly my M.O.), Minneapolis isn’t exactly a place that was on my list for that.  I believe that life’s crucibles should be thoughtful and intentional, not undertaken for the sake of proving yourself strong. That’s something I had to come to terms with in this decision. 
Growing up, I always thought the grass was greener outside of Southern California.  It was such a big part of me transferring to Cal and leaving San Diego…Flying to Tanzania the minute after graduation, and moving back to San Francisco the moment I got a job.  I have avoided home for a really long time.
I never thought I’d have it in me to make my way back. But after years of feeling in flux, relentlessly uprooted, physically and mentally—I think I have a better perspective.  Being in DC so often this past year, and visiting other states intermittently on the weekends, and being apart from my family during some REALLY hard times, has given me this feeling that there is more to home than I thought.
California is such a rich site of inquiry for my research  and I haven’t explored the intimacies of the micro-communities of Southern California since I’ve “come to consciousness” (aka went to college, figured out I was brown, and checked my privilege).  
On another note, I’m finally in a place where I actually feel really connected to the people in my life.  And I want to cultivate those relationships and give them a fair shot.  I might be tired of running for a little while.
Saturday, April 12, 2014

Thinking so hard about school it hurts.  

I think I’d thrive in both places.  I think I’d learn a lot in both contexts. The money is matched so the grey area is big. The big thing I’m thinking about is that I don’t just want to be an academic, so where do I want to build my network and where do I want to be engaged?  Where will foster a continued growth of my critical consciousness—where can I enact my question?  Where will I feel supported? For me, the instability of the academic job market just makes me want to move away from any semblance of ‘stability’ or what is professionally ‘best’ because I think there are no guarantees. 

phonographable:

"Rise Above" — Dirty Projectors

We are born with a chance.  And I’m gonna take that chance.

Some advice from a professor I woke up to in my inbox this morning—they’re so jaded, but that’s real talk.

"From personal experience, you think it’s romantic to move across the country and study things in new ways, but Sallie Mae is fucking real. Go where you’re excited and feel like you could learn and grow. But also go where they’re giving you a good amount of money because they are LITERALLY INVESTING IN YOU. And they’ll give you all the support you need because they want that investment to be worth it. Nothing is harder than being in your late twenties and early thirties more than being in debt and entering a saturated market. And every market these days is saturated.”

Thursday, April 10, 2014
The centerpiece of my @AirBnB in #Portland. Omni sumanaro sumanaro wa-wan!

The centerpiece of my @AirBnB in #Portland. Omni sumanaro sumanaro wa-wan!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014
oddfuture:

Frank Ocean, Tyler, and Earl are going to be at the Pemberton Music Festival!
Tickets go on sale this Friday, April 11th, at 10AM (PDT).

oddfuture:

Frank Ocean, Tyler, and Earl are going to be at the Pemberton Music Festival!

Tickets go on sale this Friday, April 11th, at 10AM (PDT).

Monday, April 7, 2014
Love

Love

(Source: vinylespassion)

17% of cardiac surgeons are women, 17% of tenured professors are women. It just goes on and on. And isn’t that strange that that’s also the percentage of women in crowd scenes in movies? What if we’re actually training people to see that ratio as normal so that when you’re an adult, you don’t notice?

…We just heard a fascinating and disturbing study where they looked at the ratio of men and women in groups. And they found that if there’s 17% women, the men in the group think it’s 50-50. And if there’s 33% women, the men perceive that as there being more women in the room than men.

Source: NPR: Hollywood Needs More Women

Seriously, go listen to this.

(via josette-arnauld)